You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
