I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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