I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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