I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Randomize
