I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
