Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
