who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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