is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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