I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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