I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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