So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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