Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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