i think my tv is drunk
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
