I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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