After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
