Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
