My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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