I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
