I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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