need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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