I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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