From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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