I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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