i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
