Im at strip club and am horny
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
