somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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