They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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