I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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