My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
