You can't motorboat a personality
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
