just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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