Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
