Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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