so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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