that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize