I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
