Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
