Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
