I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
