Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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