Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
