wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
