i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
