"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
