FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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