The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
