also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
