You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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