Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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