So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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