I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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