I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
