I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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