im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
