woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
