1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
