You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
