hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
