I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
