you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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