I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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