Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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