He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I party with great urgency now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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