I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
